JohnnyCaffeine

Fresh Air

2006-07-02T21:47:00.000-07:00

Personal revival can be compared to the first deep breath in the morning in the midst of cool mountain air, or it can be like gasping for life after breaking the surface of water after nearly drowning. Today was a little more like the latter for me. I had a wonderful experience this morning in a very unusual way. Kristi and I attended the early service at Northside Baptist, and then went out to the beach to Eastgate Christian Fellowship for their second service. The first service was very typical for a pre-4th of July meeting at a traditional southern church. Everyone was red, white and blue-in-the-face (pun intended). They sang songs of America and did the very routine "shout out" to each branch of the armed forces. It's a time honored ritual at many southern churches to do this on all of the American holidays. At the beginning of church we were asked to track down to ye old alter and offer up prayers for those serving abroad in Iraq. None of this has anything to do with the purpose of church, which is to worship God, but I tried to remain humble and graciously partook in said nuances. The sermon was about praying for the state of the nation that it will turn from it's wicked ways. I began to pray for this, but in probably a most different way than most of my fellow christians. I began to pray for peace and more love being shown by our churches, rather than more useless political hurrahs, which is prevalent in pulpits today. But, some things the pastor said about recognizing pride inherent in America, that mimics early Babalyonian and Roman arrogance struck a cord with me. This mesage really needs to be brought up more often, rather than just on the 4th of July.

When we got to Eastgate, we were privy to some really good praise and worship time that I really just don't feel anymore at Northside. Not that I don't feel people at NSB (Northside Baptist) want to experience God.....I just haven't. The main reason for that is I begin to quabble in my own mind about the things I disagree with in the church itself. The message at Eastgate was about "simplifying the gospel". The regular pastor was on hiatus. His brother gave the message. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Because, it was the EXACT conversation I was having with some random Yahoo! Chat guy on the Christian chat room. My main point was that different forms of doctrine must be examined for truth and expelled if they are heretical. But, this is a conversation among christians, not the discussion to bring up when sharing the Gospel. Also, even correct doctrine can be worshipped as more important than the simple truth of Jesus and the love that he showed the world. If you don't ground your doctrine in the light of that truth. It is meaningless. A "clanging symbol". This is the danger inherent in ANY religion. But, even more so in Christianity, with so many differing opinions on scripture.
I pray God make me more like Paul and begin to strife to simplify my spiritual life down to just "one thing" (kind of like Curly's "one thing" in the movie City Slickers) and that is to know only Jesus Christ and him crucified!.....everything else is arbitrary.

United Bloggerdom

2006-06-26T14:11:00.000-07:00

Up until now I thought blogging was mostly a causal experience. A digital diary of the "daily funny's" of peoples real life, or at most a place where the religiously and politcally charged could rant and rave about their opinions to their friends. BOY WAS I WRONG! I am sure some of you may have heard of the Daily KOS. This is a Blog-o-sphere EMPIRE built up of a vast community of people concerned with overthrowing the minds of millions. I am not saying this a bad thing. Maybe what we need is some Via La Revolucion. As a political independent I am VERY pro-freedom and believe that forums like this is a great way to get your points accross to a large audience. From what I've learned about blogger sites like Daily KOS is that they are extremely popular, open the floor of discussion wide open, but allowing the vail of anonmity to prevent percecution towards someones set of beliefs. People chastize the Klu Klux Klan for their anonymous prescence, but groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and similar support groups would not have the success they've had without some secrecy. I am not saying that I support the KKK. Their cause undermines their hoods and makes their outfits a badge of cowardice. I do not think that the bloggers at KOS mean to hide behind their screennames. They recently had a Blogger convention in which most of the editors, facilitators, and writers of KOS were more than happy to reveal their identities. But, for the majority of bloggers on the internet, their screenname provides them aminesty from hassle at their workplace, opposition groups, and harassement from what they call "Trolls" or just mean spirited persons who can't deal with healthy debate. Anyways, hats off to Daily KOS and their contribution to the Blog-O-Sphere!

The Surreal Life.....Class of 96

2006-06-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I've had some "strange" experiences in my life. I think my highschool reunion ranks up there with the first time I ever saw a French woman's armpit hair. I graduated from Enterprise High School in Enterprise, AL in 1996. To this day, I'm not really sure how. I smoked enough marijuana in highschool to stone all the elephants in Africa. Infact, that's all I did besides play pool every night. But, I think somewhere in that mess I managed to B.S. my way to a highschool diploma. Anyways, so there I was, sitting in a room with almost 80 of my former classmates. It was like an empisode of The Surreal Life. I felt like I was in an alternate universe, walking the halls of my highschool, except everyone was fat and bald or pregnant. I made my rounds like everyone else talking to ex-classmates about where their lives had taken them. Most of them sounds like they didn' t have much to say about themselves other than their work. Here was my typical conversation.....hey how are you? I'm good. So, where are you living?? What's business are you in?? Yeah, well I'm blah blah blah......send in the next person.....Hey how are you?? I'm good. So where you living??.....and round and round we go. I felt a more effective way of doing this little catchup would have been to hand out business cards with my MySpace account and just let them read up on current events in the life of Johnny Claunch aka Johnny Caffiene. Anyways, I was somewhat glad I went. I did get to talk to a few interesting people. Including, having a drink before the reunion with an old buddy of mine who didn't even go to highschool with me. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. If any of you ex-classmates of mine read this, some of you (and you know who you are) really have changed since highschool and are better for it.

Memmette has the "Eye of the Tiger"

2006-06-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

For those that didn't get the joke in the title of this blog, the song "Eye of the Tiger" was by the group Survivor. For those that don't already know this very regal and vivacious lady, she is my grandmother, known very affectionately as Memmette (the combination of her first and middle name Mary Emmette). This woman is the epidomy of a survivor. She has faced cancer, surgery at almost 90 years of age, and years and years of tense Auburn football games. This qualifies her as Super-Survivor. (Don't you just love this picture also, she looks as though to say "this is my plate of yummy food, BACK OFF!")

If you keep up with my blog, you know she was recently in critical condition at Baptist Medical Center in Montgomery. She was near death, but by the grace of God miraculously came jumping back in the game. Because of her condition, she, unfortunately, wasn't able to attend my wedding. She was extremely missed and will be privy to a full reinactment via video and Power Point presentation sometime during July when my uncle, who also could not attend, will be home. I have already begun to send pictures up to Hayneville via my wonderful Aunt Carole, who has been caring for Memmette diligently for years. Fortunately, she has gathered more help, with the addition of the Memmette care crew, the "bedside" nurse ladies.

She has had a core crew helping for awhile, including my cousin Sonya and the always reliable Kat. Kat is our families very beloved housekeeper, who is known for her biscuits! All of these ladies are co-survivors in MemmetteCare and "rear'in younguns"! Go Team Haynville!

So...I'm going to my 10 year highschool reunion

2006-06-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

Alabama has some fond memories for me, most of them being at my grandmothers. Not so many at my highschool. I had a hard time making friends when I moved to Enterprise, Alabama. I was held back a year because Pensacola High School only let's you go on to the next grade if you "pass classes". Also, PHS instructors don't really give two sheets if you have a learning disability. This was made obvious when I went from making D's and F's at PHS to making A's and B's at Dauphin Jr. High. Well, so I graduated in 1996. I knew my 10 year reunion was coming up, but I haven't heard from any of my old classmates in most of those 10 years. Barring some run in's with some of them who still thought they were in highschool. Then something strange happened.....I made a MySpace account and all the sudden I ran into all kind of crazy people from Enterprise. Infact, just yesterday, I got a message from my friend Ben, who was one of my closest friends in Enterprise. Also, I spoke with my buddy Buddha aka Ray Crumpler who was known in highschool for always having about a pound of marijuana on him. Surprisingly, he is now in the army and going to school to be a nutrionist. He also doesn't smoke anymore, or do much of anything phyiscally harmful. Glad to see people change. Anyways, I heard from another MySpace buddy that my reunion was going to be held on June 17th in Enterprise. I decided to go for two reasons. I can flaunt my new wife and I want to see how miserable all the jerks in highschool have become in their hell-hole jobs and have become become sedated by not giving life a chance. What I mean by this is most of the people who I didn't like in highschool did not have much substance to them and had a good chance of never finding purpose in life. Although I don't wish the worst on these people, I just want to be reminded why I made the life decisions I have and why they have their benefits! Also, this one dude named Mark Wilkerson I used to play guitar with became a rockstar and married Melissa Joan Heart. I wanna see if Sabrina the Teenage Witch comes to my highschool reunion.

Ever Distant Lives

2006-05-31T05:31:00.000-07:00

Something occured to my as I was sitting up having my morn'in cuppa. My family has changed ALOT. I think back to my younger days as the oldest boy in a family of 6 as my father made his livelyhood as a Methodist preacher. We moved around together, much like a traveling band of gypsies, without people offering to sell us their children. My dad is no longer a preacher, and has not been for 10 years. All of my siblings, save myself, are done with undergraduate college, and I will soon be joining their ranks. All of us, but my little brother, are now married and moved out of the house. Finally, my sister and her husband are embarking to the furthest location away they have lived from either one of their parents. So, what does this all mean? Well, since Kristi and I are still "just around the corner" from our parents, literally, it doesn't mean as much for us yet. For Mary and Lane it means that they will be picked up at airports for holidays and the dropped back off reluctantly. It means that my mom won't be washing or ironing my clothes anymore, which I should have been doing more of when I lived at home. It means I need to be more responsible about emailing not only both my sisters and their husbands, but cousins who live in Tennessee, Florida, Nebraska, and Alabama. I need to call my grandparents more often and tell them how much I love and miss them. These are sins I am guilty of. Thank goodness I have a very loving and forgiving family. As I write this blog, I am reminded of a song by Derek Webb called "Faith My Eyes". In the song, he writes "And how I'm all wrapped up in my mother's face ,with a touch of my father just up around the eyes. And the sound of my brother's laugh, But more wrapped up in what binds our ever distant lives.".....This is so true of my life. This is just change, not bad nor good, just change. You learn to adjust. Btw, thank God for email.

The Married Life.....almost one month.

2006-05-26T04:57:00.000-07:00

.....and so it begins. Kristi and I have almost been married one month. We were getting ready for bed and it occured to me last night that ......I AM F'ing MARRIED!......YES MARRIED!!! *Chinese Guy from Sixteen Candles Voice* This was just one of those milestone type feelings, like when you realize you are graduated from highschool or you drink your first legal beer. I kind of compare it to the "moment of clarity" alcoholics experience when they finally see hope in their lives for the first time. I am sure feelings like this will occur again when Kristi and I have our first child. Alot in my life has changed MAJOR in the past 3 years. I am almost about to graduate college, something I thought I'd never do. I have been in a 3 year relationship, something else I never believed was possible for me, and I LOVE IT! I LOVE not being single and having to prove myself to every Jane Doe that walks my way. I mean, not that I don't still try to say impressive things or walk a little more confident when I encounter the opposite sex, but I just don't feel like I HAVE to impress them, because I am not playing the "pitch 'em woo" game. It's more as in a professional atmosphere or acedemic sense. The crazy thing is, I think my confidence and savy derive frpm being with Kristi for so long. She gives me that in AMAZING WAYS. Kristi and I respond to each others "love languages" pretty well. If you don't know about "love languages" those are the things that either turn you on emotionally. (i.e. acts of services, affectionate touch, words of affirmation and encouragement.) If you are currently in a relationship, I HIGHLY reccomend you discover what your significant other's love languages are. Hopefully, you are like Kristi and I and have natural tendencies towards adhereing to your partner's language.
Well, I hope I'm not being to mushy gushy about how wonderful it is to be married to Kristi, which it IS! Maybe we are still in the "honeymoon period" so to speak and really haven't allowed the QUIRKS to set in. I am really trying to make a conscience effort to work on some of my flaws to avoid having them on the QUIRK list. (i.e. doing chores around the house). Please pray for my vigilance in accomplishing this. I really don't want to replace my mother with Kristi (well, not in this capacity). Kristi is STILL going to have to comfort me in SICKNESS....it was in the vows man!

SUPERFABLOUS WEDDING....SORRY IF YOU MISSED IT!

2006-05-16T15:47:00.000-07:00

I am now offically Hitch-a-fied and it's pretty gnarly so far! Mine and Kristi's wedding was a galia affair to say the least. The reception wasn't without it's problems, but atleast everyone had a good time. We honeymooned in Orlando and our trip MORE than made up for the snaf-fu's at the reception. We went to a waterpark and two disney themeparks (all the themepark tickets and the 3 day 4 nights in the 5-star Marriott property was FREE! courtsey of Daddy-Claunch-Bucks! We saw Train in concert at the House of Blues at Downtown Disney on Monday, we had Massage Therapy on Tuesday (WHICH ENDED UP BEING HALF PRICE DUE TO THE FACT THE ENVIRONMENT FOR MASSAGE THERAPY WAS BASICALLY IN THE WEIGHT ROOM AND NEXT TO THE "KIDSZONE" PLAYROOM....we complained to the management and since my dad and I used to work for Marriott, we got 2 fer 1!!!). Tuesday night we boogied down at The City Walk, which has a reggae club, a dance club, a piano bar, a jazz club, and a latin club (which was unfortunately closed) We did The Majic Kingdom and Epcot both on Wednesday. (word of advice for future Disney patrons..don't try 2 parks on the same day..you'll feel you missed ALOT!) Finally on Thursday we shopped at the Florida Mall. They have a swank shop called Lucky Brand that was super fabulous! I got a shirt that was really cool...although kinda pricey at around $70. I think it was worth it though. I have very little "Swankness" in my wardrobe. We left Orlando at 3 on Thursday and returned to Panama City at about 10. All in all the entire "getting married" experience was exhilirating and threw both of us through a gauntlet of emotions. The point is we survived.

The Flight of the Midnight "Ryder"

2006-04-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

The past two month is slowly rivaling for the most stressful time in my life. I think the only time that has been more stressful is the last few weeks I lived in Atlanta. Considering I was on my deathbed with no money, facing eviction, and had no medical insurance.....I can still say that was more difficult to deal with. Also, this past two months has not cause me to have an anxiety attack yet. My mother had need of my services this weekend hauling all of my brother's belongings from Montgomery to Panama City. We drove to Montgomery and spent most of the morning packing a U-HAUL and planning on leaving directly after we had all the stuff. Unfortunately we noticed in the middle of backing up the "Nav" that BOTH front tires were bald down to the metal of the tread. We had to get two new tires immediate to avoid certain doom on the way back to PC. This required two hours of waiting, which really didn't bother me considering I had only 2 hours of sleep the night before (reason for this was because of spending the first part of the prior evening drinking a "swimmingpool" size margarita and playing guitar. The rest of my evening was spent worrying about my fiance who was on her bachelorette party. She called me at 5 in the morning safe and sound though.) Anyways, back to the story.... I really didn't see this moving event being a big deal because I didn't think my brother "owned" much. I thought it was mainly a bed, T.V. and a washer dryer set. Turns out my brother owns atleast enough to COMPLETELY fill a U-HAUL trailer and my parent's Lincoln Navigator. I assumed (as I usually incorrectly do) that we would have plenty of room to pick up my sister's Futon (which I am very gracious to have). At first it seemed, to my dismay, there would be no room for said piece of furniture for the ride back to PC. All the sudden, hope emerged as my mother offers the idea of putting the Futon mattress in the Navigator, which ended up being a very tight fit,
<-See..Tight Fit! and the frame of the Futon on top and connect it to the luggage rack. The rest of the car was full to the brim. <--Full to BRIM!

Amazingly everthing stayed put and we arrived in Panama City in One Whole Bungied together piece.

May the Lord Bless Your Wedding......But I DON'T WEAR GOWNS!

2006-04-26T16:16:00.000-07:00

I wonder if this guy will get naked before the end of the service? Anyways, as my "Hitch'in Day" nears closer and closer, The tension is crecendo'ing to a maddening RAWR!! That a Roar with a CAPTIAL RAWR. I got up this morning intent on actually getting my day started at 9. To my dismay, I couldn't get out of the house till 10. I went to meet with the DJ for the reception and the music minister at the church, who is running our powerpoint. This "concerns" me slightly, because there has been very few Sunday morning services that have gone off "Snafu free". I might have to "learn" this guy how to run powerpoint and music. He kind of grimaced at me when I reccomended the reception DJ, who goes to our church, is available to "help" if needed. Considering the DJ does his job very well, I would definately heed his advice.

Anyways, I had plan to just run by to talk to Brother Jerry, our Pastor to request that he wear a Robe at the ceremony. I didn't think he would mind, considering he said he would wear what we wanted him to wear. He flatly REFUSED BY ALL THINGS HOLY to wear a robe and sounded reluctant to "ALLOW" my Grandfather to don said garment only because of his tradition. I assummed Bro. Jerry had probably worn a robe before, since he WEARS ONE DURING ALL BAPTISMS!!! Although not a "wedding" type robe, a robe none the less.

<- Bro. Jerry...aka Anti-Gown Man

This would not be such a big deal had we not already taken him off the "boutineer list" for a flower. That shouldn't be a concern, but to Kristi, every extra phonecall is a "concern".
I am trying to decide if I really care whether my Grandfather should wear one now, but I think I will have him do it just so he feels comfortable.

I think Bro. Jerry's Anti-Gown stance is extremely legalistic and just doesn't make sense, but I guess I can respect he decision. I really don't expect any less I guess. Old preachers like Bro. Jerry are set in their ways and aren't about to hit the "Refresh" button on their lives. That would take change, of which he probably has..........25cents of : D

I gotta go write the papers, write the papers........

2006-04-19T17:42:00.000-07:00

Major Kudos to whoever can guess what movie this painting is from...."one dog goes this way, tha udda one goes the udda way". Hint, title of this blog. Speaking of the title of this blog, I have been mindlessly hacking away at a computer for a cumlative of 4 days trying to produce a "A-B"ish paper on The Critical Period Theory. Any you may ask, what is CPT? Well, it's a really boring topic about, basically, how old is "too" old to become proficient in a language or second language. Exicting stuff huh? Well, atleast 11 journal articles written by single and multiple authors thought it was electrifying enough to do documented research on it. Well, atleast it's not as horrible a topic as "dead languages", "semantic priming" and everyone's favorite "Phonological Interference"....which were among my scorching set of topics to choose from in writing this paper. Anyways, sorry for not tapping the bloggerdom matrix for the past few days/or a week/ or however long it's been. When you are planning a wedding, starting a new job with your dad, writing 12 page papers for school, moving into a new apartment, and dealing with family semi-crisis' blogging just doesn't seem to make the "to-do" list. However, I felt it was in my own best interest as well as the "masses of long-awaiting" J. Caffiene Bl0g-a-Fanatics to write atleast a crappy seg-way blog to something more amusing. So, here ya go Mary and Allision!!! ROTFL!

The Stress Ball Hit me......IN THE FACE!!!!!!

2006-04-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, so here has been my past couple of weeks thus far. I am knee deep in wedding plans and my procastinating self has caused a log-jam with my school work and wedding plans. My grandmother is holding on to life by a thread, which that is so more important than any of my petty thoughts in this bitch-tacular post. Also, Kristi, my fiance feels sick this week and 12 of the 30 people that were invited to her lingerie shower actually showed up. NONE of the recipients of invitations called to "regretfully decline" like they were instructed in the invitation to do. Ofcourse since she is the type of person to "be concerned" about things like this, this makes her have dillusions that few people will show up to her main wedding shower tommorrow or the wedding at all. We came to find out certain people in our family did not receive their wedding invitation. This could be my fault, but I am blaming it on the UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE!!! Anyways, we also met with the music minister who wanted to "discuss" our music for the wedding. Due to recent comments made about the music selections sung in church, we were worried we might have a "conflict of interest". Fortunately, he was not "confrontational" and was actually very helpful and full of insight into planning a wedding. He also did not make any comments about my music selections, some of which are not necessarily "holy-week" friendly. Speaking of holy week, much prayers lifted up for my sister and bro-in-law and their week-o-service to the early breakfast go'ers. Btw, this post is for her and Allison cause needed their Fix of Caffiene, and Mary was getting weirded out by Buddy-Christ-a-delic Superstar!
I ask for prayers for myself and Kristi for patience and resolve, but more importantly for my grandmother Memmette who's in the hospital. Speaking of which, I heard today that her condition has improved somewhat and she might actually get better. This would be a miracle of prayer in and of itself.

God works in SUPERCOOL ways!!

2006-03-31T10:19:00.000-08:00

On a much more serious note.......Praise the Lord!!! God is certainly amazing in times of need. He has been providing for my family for a LONG time. Recently, both my younger sister an I are working on moving. We are both in need of provisions for things to go swimmingly. Prayers have been answered for both of us in the way of living needs for the upcoming move. Both of us have found apartments that are WAAY more affordable than some of the most expensive selections. We both are doing "contently" in the fiscal provisions department for the time being. My sister was provided with people and certain internet auctioning companies to come and buy her stuff......and LOW AND BEHOLD....When Kristi and I thought all was lost in getting some affordable furniture....BIPPITY BOPPITY BOOP......COUCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Doesn't God work in SUPERCOOL AWESOMENESS AMAZING BB&P WAYS!!!

Time?!?! WHAT TIME!?!?!

2006-03-28T07:01:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like time goes by much faster for you than the rest of the world? Sometimes I feel like God or someone hit the fastforward button on my life (or atleast the 2x button.) I have tried to fit more and more things into my busy schedule and I feel like the day is over before it begins. I was talking to my professor yesterday about my upcoming project that is due in 3 weeks or so and I told him I would like to "get the ball rolling" and try to get it finished in two weeks. He looked at me with a straight face and said "if you took like 4 hours a day and worked diligently on it, you should do spectacular. I almost started laughing right in his face...IN THE FACE!. 4 HOURS A DAY!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT IS THIS GUY SHOOTING-UP! I wish I had that kind of time to work on ANYTHING. But nay.....I do not. Well, I know some of you out there in Bloggerland feel my pain....any time managment tips?

The Killers Rock!

2006-03-24T12:30:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post on the fact that I should have bought The Killers album months ago. It's AMAZING. I saw them on Austin City Limits and told myself I should buy their album. I've heard their two big hits off the album "Hot Fuss" for awhile, but never got around to buying the album till last night. If you like any old 80's britpop like Midnight Oil, Tears for Fears, and the like....you'll dig it.

Ninja's Vs. Pirates : The Movie

2006-03-22T12:19:00.000-08:00

Are you Pumped?........are you REALLY PUMPED?? Do you love Ninja's or Pirates with your WHOLE BODY INCLUDING YOUR PEE PEE! Ninjas Vs Pirates......The Movie! There can be only one! Apparently, there are people who consider this to be a serious debatable topic. They consider it so much that they made a movie. I think it's a love story from watching the trailer. I am waiting to be in the proper mindset to try and watch the full movie (available at link) so that my bias does not hinder possible artistic evaluations of Ninja's Vs. Pirate's. As a movie critic I like to give MOST motion pictures their due and proper. Anyways, since there has been much debate lately on the NVP subject and I came to find out that my sister and fellow Ninja-Maniac had friends who obviously came from the shallow ends of their gene-pool and feel pirates are cooler than NINJA's. I will leave continued debate on the comment area up to you. (Ninja's are just cooler.....ask Mark...he's older than me)

<----Mark

The purpose of this post is to offer criticism on the NVP movie and it's possible effects on the larger debate as a whole. Is this true artistic expression, or is there a propaganda motive involved here? Is this a weapon of mass destraction on the part of a partial party?......Inquiring minds want to know.

NEWS FLASH: OPERATION GET HITCHED IS LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AWAY

2006-03-21T06:42:00.000-08:00

C'MON PARTY PEOPLE....THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR........well it's almost about a month and a 1/2 till Get Married Day! Kristi and I are about to foam at the mouth and throw pickles at people if the day doesn't get here SOON!!! My dad used to sing a song when I was a kid called "You don't get married in just one afternoon....." AND HE WAS RIGHT! I had no IDEA what all went into planning a wedding. First, there is alot of postage involved....stamps for the invitation, stamps for the RSVPS, stamps for the 3 bridal showers....lingerie, the gimme stuff shower, and her Pier One work is throwing a shower too. Why the hell don't you just put that info in the invitation along with where you are registered. Yeah, it may be tacky but WOW, be tacky! Save Postage! Also, to get married at a Southern Baptist Church (SBC) you gotta go through atleast 4 sessions of pre-martial counseling.

This is the book....For Couples Who Care!------->

(like there are couples who don't care)

This is the Author, John Trent (he does tricks like pull a piece of rope through a funnel to illustrate the narrow path (i.e. narrow is the way....)

Looks a little like someone else I know....... (except with hair)

Anyways, we are "struggling" through each session with patience....or is it longsuffering?

But I have faith in God he will put us in our place. He does that from time to time.......

(For my sister)

Anyways, after Jesus beats us in to submission like Georgie Boy, we hope to become a good ole married couple like my grandparents and my parents. It will take alot of changes on both our parts, but I am hoping to take it like a challenge. Pray for our strength!

Top 5 Reasons I HATE Delivering to the Holiday Inn Sunspree Resort...aka 3rd gate to HELL!

2006-03-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

Ok...Here is Dominoe Dave's Top 5 Reason I HATE delivering pizza's to the Holiday Inn Sunspree Resort......

#5. The non english speaking operator that always transfers me to the wrong room.

#4. Waiting on drunk guys named Armando to wake up from their Jagermiester induced coma to ride an elevator 4 floors to come get his pizza (we are also not allowed at the rooms at the Holiday Inn

#3. NOT BEING ALLOWED AT THE ROOMS AT THE HOLIDAY INN!!! (What do they think we are gonna piss off the balcony?)....since that was aformentioned, #3 is actually getting a call from my boss on the way to work on SATURDAY NIGHT to inform me that some drunk idiot who paid for an order on THURSDAY night on credit card and also gave me 27$ in cash that I had to take him said amount out of my own pocket and pay him back. This was obviously not my fault!!

2. The herd of drunk baffoons that stampede off the shuttle busses screaming the OHIO STATE fight song while each of them coming up to you saying....dude can I have a slice of pizza?? (Yeah, sure have a slice I'll just charge room 666 2$ less. (Armando was from room 666....j/k)

and the Number 1 thing I hate the most about the Holiday Inn Sunpree Resort....*drumroll*

The short security guard in the pink shirt that has a napoleon complex who threaten to kick me off property permanently for selling chicken kickers in the computer room.....I hope he gets puked on by Armando!!!!!

Panama City has become unBEARably Insane!!!

2006-03-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

I have lived in Panama City for 10 years or so now....wow, that's weird. I have never lived somewhere that long. Actually 8 1/2 years and 1 1/2 years in Atlanta, but that's besides the point. When I used to come here in highschool, spring break was pretty nutz, but atleast on the city side of the Hathaway Bridge things were pretty hum drum. Well, things are going downhill FAST! We have had a rash of robberies in Panama City. In the past 3 months, 2 fast food joints, 1 convience store, and now a driver from the 15th street Dominoes and a driver from Papa John's on 23rd St. have been robbed at gunpoint. We also had an ATM robbery at the corner of 23rd and 390 Tyndall Teller 2 nights ago. As far as Panama City Beach goes, we have had our regular arrests of Punk-In-Drublics (drunk in publics) and domestic distubances and will continue to do so through the spring break season. The worst week for arrests is ALWAYS when Louisanna (LA) goes on Spring Break. Now as hard as I try NOT to be prejudice against black folk...my patience is extra tried during LA week. This may sound bad, but we are hoping that due to the hurricanes that hit Louisanna last year that this will give us a break from too many New Orleans folk making their way down to PCB. Since I am almost a psychologist and am instructed heavily in Learning theory, I know deep down in my heart it's not a COLOR problem with unruley blacks who have no regard for the law. It is an ECONOMIC AND CULTURALISTIC problem. This theory is a HARD sell with alot of my co-workers who are VERY prejudice. Last year during LA week, a black man who had a warrant for his arrest shot and killed a beach police officer on Front Beach Road. Since then, the cops are not giving ANY slack to ANYONE for not obeying them. This also will reinforce alot of prejudice feelings that SOME of the officers have just from being from the south as well as other people who live here. Anyways, just pray for this city that we survive the rest of SpringBreak and Summer with no serious occurences. We really need it. TOADALLY!!!!!!
P.S. sorry for the bad puns, but these pictures were just so dern cute!

Grin and Bear it......then KICK THE CAT!!!

2006-03-16T12:42:00.000-08:00

This week is really testing my patience. All in one week I had my grandmother almost die, my father in the hospital for heart problems (I think that was last week though), 2 trips with my car to the autoshop on back to back days. I had 2 major exams and one quiz in school the week AFTER FREAK'IN SPRING BREAK! How F*cked up is that!! I have 2 papers due I have yet to start on, Kristi got into a fender bender last night at 1:30 on the way home from my house. I was on the phone with her when it happened. The phone went dead so I threw on some pants, no shoes and drove TOP SPEED to make sure she was ok. We had to wait on the cops to get done and so I didn't get to bed till late. Today and yesterday were the trips to the autoshop. I got my car fixed with 20 mins to spare before being to class for my quiz (not the major exam thank god.) I know I totally bombed this quiz. To top ALL of this off, I have worked almost 40 hours this week, most of them worked between the hours of 5 p.m. and 4 a.m. I am not the type to just get home and go to bed either. It usually takes me 30 mins atleast to wind down. (I especially like winding down with Captian Morgan!) Anyways, I guess now would be a good time for scripture like "Psa 42:5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and [why] art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him [for] the help of his countenance., or Job 1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. or perhaps
Jer 29:11
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ( Hey Mary notice the LINKING!!!!) I think I might go read some psalms tonight when I get home from work......I'll leave "the Captian" on the beach for the night : D

NOT HOT...IN THE HOTTUB...DON'T GET IN THE WATA!

2006-03-15T13:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, so in line with the theme of things breaking down....or possibly breaking down (see The View from here.... I also don't know how to link these damn things). I decided that my arms and legs are sore and NOTHING would feel better right now than to soak my tired old bones in my HOTTUB! I got in my shorts and grabbed a towel and headed out to the back porch. I lifted the lid and put my hand down in the water just to make sure it wasn't too hot......to my UTTER DISMAY AND EXTREME DISSAPPOINTMENT...The tub was not only not too hot, it was NIPPIER THAN A WITCHES TEET! (kind of like a Cat's teet for those who have seen Meet The Parents). There aren't many things that really just make me mad. I am a really easy going guy. But, I was FURIOUS!!!! I was SOOO ready to slip in a relax. This is not the first time I have been "weighed, measured, and found wanting". (for A Knight's Tale Fans!) The problem is the damn thing has a kill switch if it gets to hot and will totally cut off and go cold if you don't hit the reset switch. What PISSES ME OFF TO NO END is I pushed the reset switch yesterday. It usually takes a few days to activate the kill switch. Personally if I want to scald myself that is MY BUSINESS....whoever the HELL invented the "kill switch" is not MY BUDDY !

<------Now he's my buddy!

Anyways, It will take atleast overnight to heat back up, so I guess it's either blow icecold bubbles up my bum or sit in the bathtub and make my OWN bubbles........with bubble bath you gross minded people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways, I always have option number 3 and that is.............................

HOT SPRINGS NORTH CAROLINA!!!!! JUST A 45 MINUTE HELL DRIVE THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS FROM LAKE JUNALUSKA!

Jesus Take the Wheel......Just not at Northside Baptist Church!!

2006-03-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

Well, just to give everyone a synopsis of my last week or so, I have gone from working 20-30 hrs a week to working 35-40+ hours, and I have 3...count them 3 tests this week AFTER MY SPRING BREAK! (sorry Allison for neglecting my blogging responsiblities). Wow. Ok, so here is the latest conflict that I just HAD to say something about on my blog. Two Sundays ago, when I was watching the nursery, during the second service a girl name Samantha sang the song "Jesus Take the Wheel" by recent American Idol winner Carrie Underwood in church. I had never heard the song, and barely knew who Carrie Underwood was, but everyone thought she did a fabulous job. (this girl will be singing at my wedding by the way....Samantha not Carrie Underwood). Anyways, the evening after the morning service, the Music Minister (MM) approached Samantha and told her he had researched Carrie Underwood's website and found out that she was on American Idol. He basically told her in a nutshell she'll NEVER sing that song in church again. He said that Carrie Underwood was too "worldly" and that we should want to "bring the world" into the church. Now considering my audience, I am not going to rant and rave about how DUMB and LEGALISTIC and IDIOTIC the MM is on this decision. But I will say that I think issues like this would be alot easier if we all could just looked up to the sky and ask..........Big Buddy!

Well We're Mov'in On Up......

2006-03-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

......TOOOO THE EASTSIIIDDEE TO A DELLUXE APPARTMEENNTT IN THE SKKYY!!! I loved that show. Well anyways, Kristi and I put our deposit down yesterday on our first apartment. We are going on some major blind faith, because we haven't even seen the inside. Kristi has a co-worker who lives in the same complex and she said they are nice apartments. The only thing I think that might be a problem is that one of the rooms has a walk-in closet, but no connected bathroom. The other room has a connected bathroom, but no walk-in closet. How Ucked Fup is that. Anyways, we like the location, and it has a pool and HOTTUB!!! GET IN THE WATA....TOO HOT...IN THE HOTTUB *James Brown voice*.....and it also has a workout room, which me and Kristi hope with encourage us to exercise. We try to go walking or jogging when we can, but it's hard to find the time. I am going to move into the apartment on April 15th and go ahead and get everything moved in that we can. I would like to have the entire apartment finished before we get married.....so if you know anyone who is coming to my wedding and is buying me expensive gifts that would go in an "apartment".....my new address as of April 15th will be :

John and Kristi Claunch
2121 Harrison Ave.
Apt. D-5
Panama City, FL 32405

Wow, John and Kristi Claunch. That has a nice ring to it!

Blueboy and Pinky Strike Back!!!

2006-03-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

(note: the picture next to BB&P is Darth Tater! I was gonna just put a pic of Darth Vader, but Darth Tater was cooler !)
When the Lord giveth....he GIVETH! Ok, so if you are famliar with my first Blueboy and Pinky blog titled "The Blueboy and Pinky Experience", you're in on the "know" on my generous gratuity I recieved one night while working and making bad money. Well, I thought lightning can't strike in the same place twice, but that's a LIE!! Last night I took a delivery to the most of "ungodly" places........Show N Tail Strip Club. Now, I've made decent tips off dancers before, but not usually from the doorman. Well, last night I brought this dancer named "Stella" a pizza. I had to wait through 3 songs for her to finish her set. I spent that time talking to Dan the Doorman and he decided he wanted to order a pizza. I called Dominoes for him and put an order in for a large pepperoni. I left and returned 30 minutes or so later with Dan's pizza. Dan went and started talking with this guy....who I have no idea...and Dan and the mystery man returned a few moments later. The "angelic" regular customer who remains anonymous said "Dan, you got a pizza?, here dude (talking to me) here is $100...keep it" and he walked away. The bill for the pizza was $8 something which left me a $90 tip. I was flaberghasted. The guy who through me the $100 could certainly afford it with the bankroll of nearly $3,000 in cash he had in his pocket. Dan said that was one of their regulars who was a very generous dude.......generously off his rocker!!! but I'm not complaining. So after working last night, after giving a tipout of $20 and buying a six pack of Smirnoff Ice to share with my co-workers in celebration, I still took home $230 after paying for the gas I had spent for the night. This was the tips I raked from last night plus that "blessing" from the strip club. (whoever said the Lord works in mysterious ways was RIGHT!!!) . Again, I want to stress this was NOT again about the money. I made plenty of money last night anyways, and would have made over $150 regardless. It's about God providing for my needs. Yesterday afternoon, before I went into work, Kristi and I had to put down a deposit on our new apartment. This amount was around $270. I wasn't really planning on forking out that amount yesterday, but I had to to keep the apartment from going to someone else. The money I made last night covered most of that deposit. The big twist for me is my mother's morning devotional. She asked me to read it. It was entitled "The Lord Will Provide!" The devo was about a missionary in India that whose mission was in need of financial help. Prayers were said and answered when she just left her faith in God, not people. The scripture verse it referenced was 1 Kings 17: 8-16 (Mary, if you get discouraged any during this transitional period for you and Lane, I suggest you go read this passage). Infact, anyone who reads this blog, that is your homework assignment!!!! Anyways, I give all the glory to He who provides!!! He has planned my ends......so I must BELIEVE he plans my means as well!!!

Man Down!....The Furthering Adventures of Pizza Boy

2006-03-06T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well, I was out delivering pizza to the Party Pimps of Panama last night on my first closing shift of the season. I was heading back to my car from a hotel room at the Howard "touch my" Johnson otherwise known as the Whore Walk Beach Resort, when I stumbled upon my first MAN DOWN of the year. Now usually, the MAN DOWN in question might have been scooped up by his WING MEN, but this poor guy (not dude in picture) was dropped off by some random car, they just left him in the parking lot of the Ho Jo and took off. They happen to drop him off near my car, so I was concerned. I tried to help the poor guy to his feet, but this was NOT gonna happen due to him not knowing where his FEET WERE! Among other items of things that were not known to this man were his NAME, ROOM NUMBER, and THE FACT HE'S NOT SUPPOSE TO CRAWL OVER TOWARDS MY TRUCK AND ALMOST PUKE ON IT! Well, I thought this was a good time for a call to the Minute Men Security Team! Go Team Go! Well, I headed back to Dominoes, luckily with no chunks on my vehicle. This was not the first MAN DOWN experience I had been through, so I was prepared. Last year I had problems with the Gas Waster's of the Miracle Strip throwing things at my Truck. If this becomes a nusance this year, I am bringing my paintball gun out there with me and POPP'IN CAPS!!!!!!!!! BREAK YO'SELF FOO!!!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the beach........

2006-03-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

Well it's that time again......oil up your bods and break out your beerbongs. Spring Break is upon us again down in lovely Panama City Beach. Another Spring of traffic, drunk debauchery, and lots and lots of Pizza! As you guys know, when I am not off being Johnny Caffiene, I drive the Miracle Strip of Panama City Beach and the surrounding area bringing munchies to the the late night weed warriors. Nothing says lov'in like a half-wasted, half naked dude on the 20th floor of a beach condo who meets you with a smile and a cloud of smoke from the bong rips that were just consumed two seconds before my arrival. I love these stoned party animals because they keep my life simple. I GIVE THEM PIZZA, THEY GIVE ME TIPS! No pre-bussing, No "can I get you another margarita", no "your doing a great job, here's 20 cents". These people really appreciate my endeavors..........and if they don't I still make 6$+ an hour!!! But I digress.... The real fact of the matter is I WORK FOR THESE PEOPLE. My boss at dominoes would like to think that I am working hard for the company. BWHAHAHAHAHA.

The truth is I work for these guys ----->

Man I wish God would have limited chest hair growth, it gives too much support for evolution!

But I digress again....I really am looking forward to my last year working the beach. It's been fun, but I think when I graduate I will need to find a real job. Yes that's right. Johnny Caffiene must become Johnny Responsible!

Anyways, if you are heading down to "The Worlds Most Beautiful Beaches" this spring or summer, don't forget to look up Dominoes Pizza for your pepperoni fix. We'll be over at the hotel about an hour after you call....and please be patient with us, I swear we are going as fast as we can....3 miles an hour behind "SHOW US YOUR TITS"!!!!

That car will be shofouring these guys--------->

Check out the birdcage on #6!

The Great Egg Spraypainting Project

2006-02-28T17:29:00.000-08:00

Ok so Kristi and I are in the home stretch as far as wedding planning goes. We sent out the first batch of invitations this week, so if you receive a big off white envlope with EXCEPTIONALLY WELL WRITTEN CALIGRAPHY WITH YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS, which was written by my lovely fiance, then RETURN THE POSTCARD INSIDE IT IMMEDIATELY! We need a headcount ASAP. Anyways, tonight I was in charge of Kristi's latest "honey-do" project for the wedding. Since arts and crafts was a favorite subject of mine throughout school, mostly being ARTFUL AND CRAFTY AND GETTING AWAY WITH IT, I guess I didn't mind working on the project. The job goes as thus: spray painting plastic easter eggs. You take the easter egg, lather it up in paint thinner, spritzle some "plastic bonding" spray paint for the first coat (notice the use of the Johnny-ese term spritzle). Then, you flittzle (this is spritzling with fleck paint hence frittzle) another coat of paint that is made to texture. Finally you LIGHTLY spritzle again with pretty satin blue spraypaint. So I have these easter eggs drying in my garage leaving my clothes nice and splotchy with spraypaint and my hand smelling like paint-thinner. I just hope SuperBride is happy with her sprittzled-flittzled egg creations. These will be used by the way to house birdseed for throwing at me on the wedding day. I just hope someone doesn't throw the (now heavy laiden with spraypaint) eggs, which I think might be heavy enough now to be considered a lethal weapon.

<-------Our eggs not as cool as Easter Egg Tree!

Special Edition: Dumb move of the Week!

2006-02-27T14:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, I just got done with my "Jesus-er-cise" blog and decided I would head off to class. I was working in the computer lab and watching the time to make sure I was over in the Bay building by 4 o'clock for my Business Psychology class, which I am usually on time for because I have a class prior to it. Today I had my mid-term in the prior class, so I have some extra time to work on things and blog. I walk into class and the professor said "your late! We started at 3:30. " I promptly told the man "I am not late I am 5 minutes early!" Him and the rest of the class proceeded to tell me they started back at 3:30 from their break I said "no this class starts at 4:00. One of the students said "which class are you here for, this is Psychology and Law, which was a 2:00 class. My class, which actually starts at 5 o'clock not 4, had not started yet and I rudely interrupted the Psych and Law class...which erupted in laughter as I realized I was an hour early for class. Which, by the way, the professor, who is the same professor for my Business Psych class did not remember I wasn't in his Psych and Law class. Oh well, atleast I wasn't really late and was able to amuse some of my bored Co-Psych majors with a good laugh at my expense.

JESUS-ER-CISE!!!! (YOU GOT TA MOVE IT, MOVE IT!)

2006-02-27T13:05:00.000-08:00

Just when you think you've seen the worst of "Christian Alternative" marketing products.......I give you Jesus-er-cise! Recently I saw a news segment on Fox News about The Christian Fitness Center...somewhere in Ohio. I wanted to post an internet transcript of the segment, because they had a "opposition" person who gave some good insight to why this is NOT a good business venture, but Fox didn't post anything.
Anyways, I decided to research the "Christian Fitness" movement. I found that most of the women involved looked remarkably like Beth Moore.

Anyways, the "Christian Fitness Center" is a health club that has wall to wall bible scriptures to motivate people to healthier lives through biblical principles. Personally, if you wanna "sweat to scripture" by all means go for it. Instead of pictures of Jane Fonda and Billy Blank, you could put up charactures of Sampson and Bathsheba (who were considered to be biblical hotties!). But just don't forget that, while having physical well-being is great,using the bible for a new "get healthy" gimic cheapens scripture and can mock the Gospel of Jesus. I think Jesus want's his followers to be in good shape, but I think he wants us to know more about loving people and giving ourselves in service...which I guess you gotta "be buff" to do construction in Mexico on mission trips! Anyways, I just hope churches don't decide to incorporate fitness programs into their sunday morning service. The next thing will be Yoga warm ups before you get your "praise on".

Waiting.......

2006-02-24T11:20:00.000-08:00

This is for everyone who has ever waited tables or atleast seen "Waiting....." the Movie. (especially for my sister and brother and other family members who have been servers.

The next time you're out eating at a restaurant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it's what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.

1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS":If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD'S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don't let them scream or run around the restraunt. It's very distracting not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.

2. "THE CAMPERS":If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can't seat it, we don't make money.

3. COMPLIMENTS:Telling a server they are the best server they've ever had is not a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don't appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave 10% it's an insult.

4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we cant pay bills w/prayer cards. We'd go to church on Sundays if it wasn't mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.

5. TIPPING:It is not 1960. Cost of living has gone up dramatically since then. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. Just look at the tax line and multiply by 2-3, this gives you your minimum tip amount. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage (minumum wage for servers is $6.75 in CA, $3.13 in FL, $3.09 in IA, $2.13 in TX) And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?

6. THE COMPLAINERS:If you get a discount because of your food was prepared wrong or something, do not take it out of our tip. We didn't cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.

7. THE FREE STUFF:If you happen to get anything for free and you did not have a problem with your dining experience, most of the time it is because the server thinks you will realize that they are giving it to you for free. There should be extra tip thanking the server for the free item. They could get in a lot of trouble giving away free stuff. You should give them hazard pay for it.

8. THE LATE ONES:If you come into the restraunt 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get out. Closed means closed, not social hour. It is so rude to sit there and take your sweet ass time. We can't leave until you leave because we have to do sidework and clean the table you are sitting at. We don't want to stand there waiting for you for an extra hour just because you don't want to go home. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.

9. THE TABLE HOGGERS:If you only come in for coffee or a dessert, to do paper work, or to have a meeting, don't sit there taking up our booths for hours. We are not Starbucks or a hotel restraunt. If you want to sit for hours, go there or else you better leave a good tip for us and camping fee included.

10. THE GREET:When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing please let us know. We honestly want to know how you are doing. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that from the beginning. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?". Also most of us are REQUIRED to say certain things during the greeting, so please don't interrupt our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?"

11. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:Don't ever talk on your cell phone in a restraunt. This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. Just show some respect and give us your attention for a couple of minutes.

12. TAKE-AWAY OR TO-GOS:Always remember to tip the take-out order servers! They work just as hard as a server, and hardly ever get tips for it! WE DESERVE TO BE TIPPED TOO

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SERVERS READING THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please repost this so the word can get out, since so many people are uneducated about tips and our lives depend on this - at least for now

......SIGNED, YOUR FELLOW RESTAURANT SERVERS

The Blue Boy and Pinky Experience....Are You Experienced??

2006-02-24T09:50:00.000-08:00

Meet Blueboy and Pinky. For those who might come visit this blog besides my LOVING brother and sister who I APPRECIATE AND ADORE FOR THEIR LOVING COMMENTS, these are paintings that I have grown up with all my life. The story behind these paintings, as it relates to my family goes like thus:
.......Along time ago in a land far away called "Oklahoma" there lived a husband and wife named Jim and Sharon Claunch (aka mom and dad, and that's Jim not James...if you call him James you are a telemarketer). Anyways, Jim was a budding seminarian and Sharon was a good mother and housewife to Jim. They were dirt poor and lived in a small apartment in Tulsa. Times were hard on Jim and Sharon and there came a need for $500 dollars to pay certain expenses that they didn't have the money for. A woman whom they knew came by one day totally out of the blue, who I believe was part of their church, and said She was "lead by the Lord" to give them a check for.....guess what.....$500. She did not know their need for this money, nor know what the money was for....only that she was suppose to give them this money and 2 other items. The other items were these paintings of Blue Boy and Pinky....If you are like me when I first heard this story, I would have simply been amazed by the money part. However, there is an even more interesting twist regarding the paintings. Sharon said to Jim," this is amazing, she did not even know we needed this money, but as far as these paintings, I have never seen them before, nor do I know who they are." Jim said to Sharon " I know who they are, they are Blueboy and Pinky." Sharon said "how do you know that?" Jim said "because, these paintings are at my mother's house in Alabama, my uncle Jimmy has a copy of them AND my brother Tommy has a copy of them as well. ".....this story is something I will be telling my grandchildren when I get old. I may also have my own story to tell them because I had a "BB and P" Experience last night. Unlike the Jimi Hendrix Experience which involved heavy doses of Acid, the BB & P Experience involves God and is drug free. I was delivering pizza's last night, which is my call of duty most Tuesday nights. I was having a HORRIBLE night in tips and was on track to have the 2nd worst night in my delivery history. I was on my way to the infamous "MLK" district, which is notorious for bad tips. And, just to clarify, this is an economic phenomeon not a racial one. I get bad tips in poor white neigborhoods as well. Anyways, I pull up and this guy comes and meets me at the edge of the road. He proceeds to say "How would you like a really good tip". I said "sure". He said "Ok, here's the deal...I have no cash, but for the cash you have, I will double your tip on the credit card. " He had already paid for his meal on a credit card, which was approved. I checked his I.D. already and it wasn't a stolen card, which this situation would have first prompted me to do. I said "are you sure about that". He said "I will DOUBLE what you have. " I said "I have $65 on me." He said "Ok, I will just make the tip out for $170, which gave me a $105 tip." His bill was $25 plus the $170 tip which totaled $195. I ask him why he would do this. He said "I just hit the Fantasy 5 lottery tonight and my winnings are $92,000. Me and my buddy are here celebrating and are driving to Tallahassee tommorrow to pick up the winnings." Now remind you this man was NOT drunk from what I could tell. He seemed to be an educated older black man. I told him I needed to ok this with my boss. We called him and my boss Richard said it was fine. When I returned to the store, I had forgot to make an imprint of the card. Richard said if this guy recanted his card, I would owe for the whole amount. The next day, the same guy called back again, ordered pizza and gave the day driver an $80 tip. Now the amazing this to me was I made $140 in tips, which means I would have only walked with $35 in tips had I not recieved this huge tip. Which, I usually walk with $60+ on a closing shift. Another amazing thing happened on my next delivery. I forgot to get a change bank, which was 10 one dollar bills and 2 five dollar bills to make change for my customers. I got to my next delivery and had no change. The bill was $16 and they gave me a $20. The guys were really young as well as African-American (sorry, but when you get Operantly Conditioned to get bad tips from black people you are GONNA have predispostions to think you are not getting a tip, so I was expecting them to ask for the change back. Before I could even say I didn't have change, they told me to keep the change. Now, either this was God teaching me a lesson about not being prejudice (which maybe part of it), or it was about reminding me he is still my father in Heaven. I got back to my car after the 2nd delivery and began to cry and thank God for his "totally undeserving" grace and blessing he had bestowed. It really had nothing to do with the money at all, but more to do with the fact I was having a HORRIBLE night. I have a horrible cold and really didn't want to close that night. I tried to give up my closing shift, but noone would take it. Not to mention, I just dropped $350 fixing my car. I make good money and have a $400 tax return coming back, so I didn't really need the money desparately. This was just about reminding me there is a God and he loves me.

Who is John Claunch?

2006-02-23T11:29:00.000-08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about John Claunch!

John Claunch is only six percent water.
John Claunch invented the wheel in the fourth millennium BC.
The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr John Claunch Head!
John Claunch is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes.
The air around John Claunch is superheated to about five times the temperature of the sun.
John Claunch is the sacred animal of Thailand!
Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas have 14, and John Claunch has 7!
John Claunch has four noses.
If you chew gum while peeling John Claunch then it will stop you from crying.
Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are John Claunch.

2006-02-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

CHRISTIAN

The reason for this post was this radio broadcast I heard this afternoon on a Christian radio station called "Identity: Who Are You?: Do You Know Who You Really Are?". In this broadcast Author of Hope for the Heart June Hunt shares her thoughts about how people have lost their identity. (go check out her website at www.hopefortheheart.org ) and try and spot her "core values" on the "Core Values Presentation" She had a phone caller who she asked the question "How do you think God views you?". The reply was "I think he sees me as a worthless sinner save for the blood of Christ", which in my opinion is a pretty accurate biblical understanding of humanity in the eyes of God. This woman therapist/author/nutquack proceeds to tell him that that is his "problem" and that he needs to find self-worth and see God made him with personal worth. Now, I believe "God don't make no junk" as I've heard youth pastors say, but I do believe that humanity has made junk out of what God created. With the sin in our lives, he cannot see self-worth in us. It is the purpose of Christ on earth and it is, in my opinion the core of the gospel. It says in Isaiah that " But we are all as an unclean [thing], and all our righteousnesses [are] as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away." Isa 64:6 In the Psalms it says"Every one of them is gone back: they are altogether become filthy; [there is] none that doeth good, no, not one."Psa 53:3 I could go on with Paul's views but this is his references so I will stick with them. To get back on track, this is what Christian Ideology in the South is build upon. "Self-Help" "Personal" relationship with Jesus that is all about fire insurance and has nothing to do with the gospel. I am reading a great book right now called "A Generous Othordoxy" by a guy named Brian McClaren that illustrates this point perfectly. He says "I fear that for too many Christians "personal salvation" has become another persoanl consumer product and Christianity it's marketing program" He goes on to say "Can't seeking a personal salvation as the ultimate end become the ultimate consumerism or narcissism?" In a self-centered and hell-centered salvation, doesn't Jesus-like every company and political party-appeal to me on the basis of self-interest so that I can have it all so cheaply, conveniently, easily, and quickly?" Well, you get the picture. From my own personal experience I got saved 5 years ago from a life of sex, drugs, and self-abasement. But I have been asking my self after the novelty has worn off, "what did I get saved into?" I KNOW that there is a God because of the order, balance, and beauty in a complex world. This CANNOT be happenstance. I KNOW he loves me because I realize my self worth"less" ness in the light of Jesus's Love. But, I must not take that gift and trade that for a cheaper, storebought Christ"less" reality That does nothing for me but make me a Pharisee. If I have offended any of you I am sorry. But God's truth is not only beautiful, it's also offensive and the truth hurts........Wow, if I wasn't sick, I would say it was time for a beer. Anyways leave 'em if you got em. P.S. for more fun go to this link http://www.av1611.org/jmelton/scross.html to learn the "Christian" roots of the Rebel Flag. All I can say is WOW.

Johnny Python and the Holy Vase

2006-02-17T11:12:00.000-08:00

Ok. So, I went to Destin, FL last night because Kristi needed some vases. But what kind of vases you ask. These were not just ordinary vases. They had to be the "right" vases (or baskets, or buckets, or whatever works). We went to Old Time Pottery, which for all you guys is a huge warehouse full of forementioned decoratives. Kristi had seen a picture of a vase with what looked like Hasta leaves inside them decorated beautifully for our wedding. (These wedding magazines can make anything attractive, even a few leaves in a bucket). So I ask young Knight Bride-a-lot where is the photo of this so we can expedite this search....but nay......no picture. She brought a fake leaf that she bought from Pier One and proceeded to galavant around The Swirly Twirly Land of Vases putting the leaf in each one to compare. I felt like either Arthur in The Sword in the Stone or Prince Charming in Cinderella fitting the glass slipper. I was hoping to see a golden chalice with an eerie light beaming down and angels singing the grail's praises sitting on one of the shelves. But to our dismay, the "right" vase was a myth...atleast in Destin. Yesterday was not the best day for me. I took my car into the shop and found out I need internal motor work which may cost me lots of money. I am recieving some money back in taxes that may help cover the cost of the problem. However, it my cause my car to be in the shop for quite a few days. Since I work as a pizza delivery dude, my car is my money maker. I am sure I can find a loaner, but it will probably inconvience someone. Anyways, because my darling Knight Bride-a-lot loves me so and wanted to cheer me up, she took me out to eat at Mellow Mushroom (which must be where Monty Python and the Gang ate before filming). We had a pitcher of Newcastle and decided to to find a movie to sober up at. Before leaving The Shroom I proceed to venture across the Evil "Closed Section" Land, which was just mopped, and busted my ass on The Slippery Floor of Doom. My arm still is in pain this morning. So we went to see Firewall with Harrison Ford, which is a good one by the way and headed home when our BAC went back down to legal limits.

What's the Deal with Dr. Phil?

2006-02-14T13:38:00.000-08:00

Ok, so what is the deal with this guy. Why is his show so popular? He disguises his show as a therapy/help program when all it is is entertainment for the bored. He is NOT a Therapist and most have got his "Dr." at that Wanda Finkleman Psychological Doctorates/Cosmetology school. Anyways if you like Dr. Phil, that's fine. It's like people who "like" the news for entertainment value. But if you think you are getting smarter by watching it...think again. They are selling you toilet paper....not therapy

Quick Draw Cheney

2006-02-12T16:36:00.000-08:00

If you have not heard, Vice President Dick "QuickDraw" Cheney shot his hunting buddy (for more info go to http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11312757/ ) Now before Leno and other late night joksters get a laugh at Dickie's expense. Let's remember a man was shot here. I am sure the news is going to have a field day with this one. I am picturing President Bush with 2 holstered pistols and the VP behind him like a hyped up sidekick holding a shotgun saying "lemme shoot 'em Buford please lemme shoot 'em". For all you "News"ertainment fans hold on to your britches.

Tattoo's

2006-02-12T09:16:00.000-08:00

Yeah, So I am thinking about getting a new tattoo. I really used to be into getting Ink and then decided it was time to take a break before I was covered. Sometimes I am annoyed by my choices in art and sometimes I am all about my tats. I am considering getting a piece on my honeymoon down in Orlando. Lots of good parlors down there according to a buddy of mine. Getting ink done is like making love to a maschist, good pain. Anyways, I digress. Post em if you got em.

The mayhem that is Intercultural/Interracial Communications

2006-02-06T15:47:00.000-08:00

I am in the last full semester of my undergraduate education and am really getting burnt out on college. Since I am a psychology major with a communications minor, I am really worried my edcuation will be lacking in depth until I reach the graduate level. Afterall, there is not much you can do with a Psych Undergrad except teach or manage cubical warriors on their way up the corporate ladder. But this post is more about the ensuing mayhem that happens in one of my minor classes in communications called Intercultural/Interracial Communications. The class is suppose to be a study of how different cultures and races act and interact and how a technologically advanced world is now forced to deal with smaller cultural gaps. Basically, how exactly should Americans behave on a business trips to Pakistan. Anyways, the professor of the class acts like she got her degree at the Wanda Finkleman Communications Doctorate/Cosemetology School. Today in class she proceeds to start talking about the class material on the psychology of language and somehow randoms off into talking about the Catholic stations of the Cross and the criteria for sainthood, the next thing ya know 3 protestant christians begin to argue with a catholic girl about Catholic ritual and another group of people are complaining about ebonics, specfically the term "axe" as in "can I axe you a question." Anyways this class ends up in total dissarray every week and I feel like I am either watching 4 empisodes of CNN's Crossfire simultaneously or spending the afternoon at a Korean Parliment meeting. Anyways, I was pretty worried about the test in the next class so I engulfed myself in the facinating world of Business Psychology. Nothing like dry lecture about the 20 ways to run the scientific method. WOOHOO.

2006-02-04T11:19:00.000-08:00

HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!
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2006-02-04T11:07:00.000-08:00

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Cup of Irregular

2006-02-04T09:38:00.000-08:00

Faster than a speeding Starbucks addict.......more powerful than a loco-motivational speaker......able to deliver pizza's in a single bound.........I give you Johnny Caffiene. (now available in Zimbabwe Special Roast). I am creating this blog cause I think it will help me better communicate with my siblings who seem to find this a great avenue for spilling the beans (yes, pun intented.) Anyways this blog will be about Johnny Caffiene's real life identity of a mild mannered pizza delivery boy/college student/christian"ish"/politically erect I mean incorrect/coffee drinker named John Claunch. I am a college student at Florida State University at Panama City, as not to be confused with our "branch" campus in Tallahassee. I am sure I will have plenty to say about school, being engaged and soon married.....more about being Gopher Boy (Johnny Caffiene's sidekick) for my fiance SuperBride aka my darling Kristi. Just kidding My Love....as well as talking about everyone's favorite topic's politics, religion, and delivering pizza to thousands of inebriated beach infesting college students......Hope you enjoy my "cup of irregular"....Now with Extra Sugar!